So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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