A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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