I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
