She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I love you. Go after that dick
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
