Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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