If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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