I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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