I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
