your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
