Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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