At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
