Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
