I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
