none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
