Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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