i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize