just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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