I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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