yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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