When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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