My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Let's get the cat blown out
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
