I think im going to throw up on grandma
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
