She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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