we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
