did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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