Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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