recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize