20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
