what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
