I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
