so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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