I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
