he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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