what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
