Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
