It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
