The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
