you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
