seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
