New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
