I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Randomize