My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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