and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
