morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
