it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
