Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
