i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
