Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
