Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
