So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
