totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
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