I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
