Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
