unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
