Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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