Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
