she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
