Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
