saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
