I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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