Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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