Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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