Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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