I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
