I should be sponsored by Trojan
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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