saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
false alarm, still single
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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