I think I am morally bankrupt
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
